Who Am I? Really

My name is Myriam and I am …Fill in the blank.

This is how the AA (Alcoholic Anonymous) attendees introduce themselves and it’s been playing in my head. Not that I have been to any AA meetings but relying on what I have seen on TV.  But in a very similar fashion I carry a number of hidden labels spelled out in big letters written all over me.  You just don’t see until I let you in but they are there:

Fear

Shame

Insecure

Discontent

Afraid

Failure

Stupid

Good-for-nothing

People pleaser

I cannot trace the labels to their  origins but for quite some time, I have worked around many of them written all over me in BOLD letters.  Sure, I try to hide it well and one can hardly tell but they have weighed me down and I am getting tired of carrying them on my back.  Sometimes as in this season of life.

Every now and then I get a glimpse of what it’s like to shake them off and walk with my head high but far too often, it’s shortly lived only to add another label to the ever growing list.

My life verse is Galatians 5:1 –

  It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

And

2 Cor 3:17 - …Where the Spirit of the Lord there is freedom.

Yoke of Slavery?  Yep.  I've lived in bondage for most of my life and the freedom in Christ at best seems to be an illusion.  And I whisper to myself: can I really be free? And I can hear a voice behind me saying:

 ‘yes you can.  The TRUTH will set you free”.  

 Ah the truth! After all, Jesus is the way, the TRUTH, and the life.

Mentally, I know that.  But deep down do I really believe that?  And that is the question before me.  Do I really believe God or just merely believe in God? How many times, I’ve silently said to myself that this applies to this or that person but for me, a cast-away, don’t even dare think about it. 

That raises another question – what is this voice in my head telling me who I am and it’s very boastful in convincing to just accept that c’est-la-vie?

Herein lies the solution.  I hear both voices and one is louder and quick to get me to settle down by putting more chains around my ankles and hands hereby building a massive stronghold around me.

Freedom is calling my name because God has redeemed my life from the slave market of sin.  I want to know why the enemy of my soul invests so much in tripping me up.  As I am concluding this post, this verse literally popped up in my head:

For the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel, has said:" You will be delivered by returning and resting; your strength will lie in quiet confidence. But you are not willing."  HCSB Isa 30:15.

Could this be my answer?